Early Human’s Got Herpes from Chimpanzees
(Or Planet of the Rapes) Yep, that’s right. Our ancestors screwed us… or rather, monkeys. Super sexy monkeys. At the very least they did some hard dry humping. Either way, scientists have determined that the herpes virus has been around much longer than previously suspected. Not that too many people were really wondering how long it had been around. But some scientists have nothing better to do with their time (say, like curing herpes) and have decided to check into just where this virus was introduced into humans.
After much research, it turns out that the Herpes Simplex Virus-1 is about six million years old. This is the version of herpes that shows up as a cold sore on the worst day possible. If you’re going to get one, you can bet that it’ll be on the day of an interview, a date, or a school picture. The other version, Herpes Simplex Virus-2 is approximately 1.6 million years old. This is the one that shows up on the genitals. This is much better in the sense that it’s not on your face, but… that’s a small consolation, I’m sure.
With this time discrepancy discovered, the scientists decided to try and figure out what exactly introduced this diversion as humans are the only primates who are known to have two versions of the virus. What they found is somehow simultaneously shocking and unsurprising. Apparently, our ancient ancestors were still spanking the monkey in a much more literal sense. I guess 1.6 million years ago, chimpanzees were still sexually attractive and these early humans were interacting with them much more than they should have been. Okay, fine, they were having sex. With the chimps. However, it’s worth noting that the AIDS virus is less than a century old and is thought to come from primates in West Africa, so… I guess we haven’t evolved all that much.
These studies were conducted at the University of California San Diego where assistant research scientist Joel Wertheim explained that new technology allowing better analysis of virus gene sequences is what gave us this fascinating insight into our past. Sadly, it is also the reason that we are all now thinking of our great, great, great, etc. ancestors having sex with chimpanzees. Shudder. (Source)http://www.samproof.tv/2014/06/18/early-humans-got-herpes-from-chimpanzees/https://i2.wp.com/www.samproof.tv/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/sexy20monkey.jpg?fit=1024%2C710https://i2.wp.com/www.samproof.tv/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/sexy20monkey.jpg?fit=150%2C104Weird Newschimpanzees,chimps,comedy,herpes,medicine,monkey sex,monkeys,News,science,weird(Or Planet of the Rapes) Yep, that's right. Our ancestors screwed us... or rather, monkeys. Super sexy monkeys. At the very least they did some hard dry humping. Either way, scientists have determined that the herpes virus has been around much longer than previously suspected. Not that too many...Zack BesedaZack BesedaZack.Beseda@gmail.comAuthorZack Beseda is a writer comedian in Los AngelesSam Proof